This is why my mom is cooler than yours...

So my Grandma passed away recently and Moms had her mail transferred to her address so she could close out Grandma's estate. This past week when she received a bill from the local phone company for $14.37 for "quarterly equipment rental fee" it raised her eyebrows. Upon further inspection she found out my grandma had been leasing a rotary phone from AT&T for the past 33 years, to the tune of roughly $4.00 a month. Which, friends, works out to about $1500.00 and some change. For a rotary phone. A baby shit brown rotary phone. Long story short, AT&T sent her a postage paid envelope to facilitate the return of said item. Seriously. The heading on the instructions started out "Dear valued AT&T customer..." so this is what my Moms put on the envelope for her return address.
P.S. - In case you are wondering, when asked just exactly what the fee would be if she failed to return this wonderful $1500.00 rotary phone, believe it or not, the person on the other end of the line did not have that exact figure readily available.